in the flow with oprah & deepak
day five: finding expression
centering thought: my truth and creativity are within.
sanskrit mantra: ham – ‘i am creativity’
earlier this week, i talked about my yellow phase. yellow, the color of the third chakra, the seat of power and individuation. well, when my yellow phase faded away along with my sense of power and autonomy, i slipped right into blue.
blue. the color of the throat chakra. the fifth chakra. the one associated with creativity, voice, and expression.
when i started learning about the chakras, it made complete sense that over the past few years i may have been “stuck” or “working through” this chakra. at the beginning of this phase, i was trying to find and create a place of my own, where i could be creative and express myself. it was throughout the phase that i returned to my first love, writing, and decided to commit myself to it in a new and serious way. it was in this phase that i found myself rebuilding and learning to trust my voice. trying to really understand the concept that my truth and creativity are within. trying to understand that if someone doesn’t understand my truth, it doesn’t always mean that my truth is “wrong”. it can mean i haven’t found the right words, that i haven’t tapped into my power to support my expression, or that, well, the person misunderstanding may not ever understand–and that’s okay.
these are lessons i am continuing to learn these days. which is why i’m not surprised that i still find myself drawn to blue.
yesterday, i went out to lunch with a friend of mine and we discussed how we are introverts and the good things and bad things we experience because of it. we discussed how our proclivity toward silence often causes people to jump on our opinions more forcefully when and if we do speak up. and often, because we rather stay quiet more often than not, we find ourselves not speaking up at all or shrinking away from expressing our truth in full.
i added that often this reaction from people caused me to question my thoughts, my voice, my expression. i allowed this reaction to deny my creativity, my truth. i may have been coming to this blog frequently to express myself, but in everyday life i, more often than thought, chose quiet instead.
deepak chopra mentioned in the meditation today that it takes energy to block the flow, to block expression and in many ways, i think i am tired from all the energy expended trying to block it all. so i’m trying to continue working, opening up. trusting that my truth and creativity are there, here, within. trusting my voice to express myself and my beliefs without shying away from them.
this, as is everything, is a process.
a work in progress.
What’s not to love about Fridays, right? Since I started learning about the chakras I’ve added a few more reasons, because Fridays I dedicate to the throat chakra, which is all about today’s topic: creative and honest expression.
Here is the mantra-in-progress I’ve been sculpting over the years:
“I am as open as the Great Blue Sky.
I am capable of honest, creative expression, able to reveal the innermost truths of my mind, body, and spirit through
speech, song, and the written word;
poetry an prose;
gesture, movement, and dance;
May the best of my being-Divinity itself-be that which I give to the world.”
As I’ve been sharing my personal mantras with all of you this week some unexpected things have happened. I’ve never really shared them with anyone, which has made me nervous for a host of reasons. Mixing part of my favorite novel (The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant) and an explanation I once heard an actress give about her own religious practice, somewhere in my mind there is a superstition claiming that a person only shares her personal mantras upon her deathbed. I don’t think I ever wanted to believe there was any truth to that superstition. My anxiety about sharing my mantras is as quotidian as most of my fears-and, in fact, is just another manifestation of the same one that follows me into many aspects of life: the fear of being judged and deemed unworthy.
One thing I didn’t expect before writing my mantras was that they would appear as poetry. In elementary school it was easy to have confidence in my skill as a writer (growing up in California during The Self-Esteem Movement, there were even ribbons and certificates for last place, and recognition as “honorable mention”), and in middle and high school I even thought was as lame a gift as a superhero whose power is “hyper-empathy”.
So I abandoned it.
And I lost it.
And I wondered if I’d ever get it back.
In graduate school I wrote a choreo-play, in an attempt to regain a connection to my ability to paint pictures with words, while adding on my recently developing skills in dance, and the old cliché about valuing something when it’s too late mocked me. Unlike another cliché, writing isn’t like riding a bike: it evolves. I think the best writers have brought their skill along with them like an appendage, expanding and contracting along with their growing bodies and minds. Although I may not have left writing by the wayside for long, it was long enough to feel like we were childhood friends reunited as adults, not sure if our new selves would get along as well as we did in our former existences.
But I’ve decided to be brave.
And so, I’m here.
Writing. Sharing. Attempting to reclaim and express my innermost truths to myself and with the world, simultaneously.
There was so much in what Oprah and Deepak shared today that touched my heart, but it was the last line that I will carry with me today. Deepak concisely reminded me why the action that became the namesake of this project, the act of finding our flow, is a venture worthy of our faith and energy:
“In this flow you can accept and honor yourself for who you are.”
May it be so.