today is an anniversary, a day that marked the beginning of a relationship that changed, died, stumbled, grew, revived…thinking about how it started seven years ago today has made me think more about time and how i’m grateful for it.
growing up, i was not grateful for time. it was always going too slow. i wanted it to be faster. time was getting in the way.
now, it is different. time goes hella fast sometimes. and hella slow other times. i have a different relationship to time. i am able to appreciate it, move with it even as i wish it acted differently. i’m grateful for it now.
it is weird to me how you can be grateful for time. grateful for the chance it gave you to grow, to change, to morph. grateful for the chance it gave you to cry, to hurt, to yearn. grateful for the chance it gave you to distance yourself, to find yourself, to find someone new. grateful for the chance it gave you to go deep, to learn more, to bond, to cut it short. grateful for the chance it gave you to love, to live.
i am also grateful for time because it, sometimes, just sometimes, doesn’t matter. sometimes you walk into a space you haven’t been in for years and you still feel the same way you did before. its strange. you expect it to be different. you know on some level it is. you know there are other stories, newer ones you aren’t privy to, engrained into the walls, into the furniture. you know that and yet it is still comfortable, familiar. you know the new stories will come out and in that moment you’ll shift uncomfortably…time’s effect moving through you. but you’ll settle back into the familiar as it changes around you and the old becomes new becomes old.
right now, in this very moment, i’m grateful that time has brought me here. it hasn’t been easy; it is filled with moments in time i’d like to re-do, forget, forgive, cherish…but i’m here. and i’m grateful.