Sweat On for buildOn!

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I’m really excited to announce my first VIRTUAL fundraising event: Sweat On for buildOn!

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I wanted to throw a fundraising event for my service project that encompassed my community. Well, my community is all over the place! So I thought of throwing a virtual group sweat because it combines my community with another one of my loves: wellness!

I’m asking that on Saturday June 22nd anyone and everyone who wants to gets their sweat on for a good cause.

  • One hour.
  • Any form of sweating you want (yoga, running, walking, biking, gardening….).
  • Anywhere you want.

To enter this virtual group sweat, donate $16 to my service project to Nicaragua with buildOn.photo copy 3

The first 20 people to sign up by donating $16 will receive a free tote bag!

Everyone who signs up and then, on June 22nd, gets a picture of themselves sweating and then posts it on Instagram/Twitter using the hashtag #sweatonforbuildon OR on the FB event page, is eligible to win one of several prizes (including gift cards to Starbucks, lululemon athletica and more).

I’m super excited and terrified for this all at the same time. I think it can be awesome. I think it is powerful to have people sweating for a cause across the globe. I hope you think so too :)

Visit the main page for more info and some FAQs!

Turbulence

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When you realize that you have to take action in your life, and you do so, everything and everyone around you can start shifting and resisting. Announcing that you may have a different plan from the one you though you had before may cause confusion and frustration–in yourself and others.

When I say may, I mean will.

It will.

And I’ve been riding waves of anger, frustration, confusion, loneliness, etc. ever since.

I have recommitted to my writing, pursuing it wholeheartedly, and realized that this re-commitment may require that I move eventually. All of this is still up in the air, but it is there nonetheless, and it has made for some turbulence.

Whenever there is turbulence on a plane, I am simultaneously excited and scared sh*tless. That is the thing about the adrenaline that is released in that moment. We get it when we are scared and when we are excited, when we want to run away from something and when we want to run towards it.

Turbulence, usually, doesn’t cause death. (Usually.) It can cause injury. It can cause an emergency landing. It can cause the fasten seat belt sign to come on. It can cause you to change your path, go around the storm instead of through. But, usually, the destination stays the same. Maybe a slight detour. Maybe a landing somewhere else with the option to get on another flight, another day. Rarely.

And when the turbulence ends, you realize how amazing it is when the path is smooth.

Then you land and you are so thankful you’ve landed.

I like turbulence most times, despite being afraid of flying. I like turbulence because it reminds me I’m in the air. It reminds me to respect the laws of physics. It reminds me that I am on my way.

Here’s to turbulence.

Train Realizations

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Written on as a facebook status, on my way home from NYC last night:

I am often amazed by the fear and anxiety I feel when someone or something opens my eyes to the possibility and opportunity to reach for my dreams. I am amazed how my automatic response is to find excuses as to why I won’t or can’t reach them. I am amazed how my brain tries to convince me to stay with the familiar, even when I yearn for change.

But I am also amazed by the power of my dreams. When they no longer want to be silenced or ignored, they grow louder and more determined. I try to block them out but they keep growing and growing until they become impossible to ignore. So I, terrified and anxious as all hell, have to put my big girl pants on and start reaching. Again and again.

Here’s to beginning again.

On Gardens and Fundraising

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Today we are starting our garden.

I am going to play in some dirt.

Seriously.

For those that know me, you may know that I’ve always wanted to be a real “earthy” person, but I’ve always fallen short. Truth is, I’m not all that good at being earthy. I don’t like to be dirty, I don’t like bugs (I’ve gotten 17 mosquito bites while someone sitting next to me has only gotten 1…no fair), and while I have patience for a lot of things, I don’t have the patience required to, well, be in nature.

So I’ve been an earthy person from afar. Choosing to be “green” when it was convenient.

I’m hoping to change that.

Step one: the garden.

We have a backyard. Not too big. [editor's note: the boyfriend would like to say that the backyard is nice and big for the city.]  Just enough space for a little garden and maybe a little grass that the pup can run on. When I moved in, I said I was going to be in charge out there. I was going to make it look nice and get in-touch with my inner nature-lover.

It is May 1st. The weeds are bigger than the dog and I was given an ultimatum.

[editor's note: the boyfriend says "true".]

So I begged a friend who actually knows nature things to come help me and today we are beginning. She has to bring her tools because I don’t even know what tools to use. I have no idea what it is going to look like, but I am telling you now so you all can hold me accountable. Let’s hope that by mid-summer it is looking awesome. Let’s hope.

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In other news, I am really into my fundraising for my service project to Nicaragua with buildOn and Beyond Asana. As of yesterday, I had raised $725. I have $4,275 to go.

I’ve started selling tote bags and a lovely bracelet to raise money as well (which you should check out!).

I am beginning to realize just how hard this is going to be.

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but the amount of work it will take to get to $1,000 scares me…because I’d still have $4,000 to raise afterward.

How am I going to do this?

I’m not sure…but I will. So, um, yeah.

That Time My Mom Came To Yoga With Me

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On Sunday morning, I took my mother to Bikram yoga.

Honestly, I can’t believe she came with me. She knew it was going to be hot. She knew it was going to be hard.

But she came with me anyway.

I had been going to Bikram for the past few days. This new Bikram-focused surge was probably the result of reading Hell-Bent. The book has made Bikram both alluring and…the opposite of alluring. I found myself wanting to go to lots of classes even as I began to question many of Bikram’s (the man) tactics. Still, Sunday morning was my 4th class of the week and I was making it there. It was taught by one of my yoga students. I wanted to support her and I had been on this Bikram kick anyway so I thought…what the hell. My mom was visiting and so I asked her if she wanted to go.

When my mom got out of bed to join me, I was astonished…and a little scared. What if she freaked out in the middle of it?

Instead, I had the opportunity to see my mom as, well, as person. I saw her eyes dart back and forth as she tried to watch me and the teacher during class. I saw the look on her face that showed she was a little scared at the beginning, that she was diving head first into the unknown.

It is not a look you usually get to see on your parents’ (older loved ones’) faces. That scared-excited-oh-shit-what-do-I-agree-to face.

You can learn a lot in that moment. That you aren’t any different than them. That they don’t know everything.

That you can help, teach, support them just as much as they support you.

It was the first time my mother I did yoga together. Hopefully it won’t be the last.

Boston

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When I lived in Boston, I lived off of Boylston. In fact, my address was actually on Boylston St.

I could see the Boston Marathon from my window. I watched runners finish their last few tenths of a mile.

Two blocks away was the finish line.

If I still lived in that apartment today, I would have had a perfect view of the second explosion.

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I knew several people running the race. All are okay.

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I don’t really know what to say…but I wrote the following on facebook tonight and thought I’d share:

I spent the weekend discussing trauma and how it manifests in the body. On Saturday, I felt my body tense as someone mentioned 9/11 and I was reminded that I carry the trauma of that day with me. Today, as I text friends and stare at pictures of the street I lived on when in Boston covered in smoke, I feel my body tense again. I feel the tears coming to my eyes…because I remember the fear I had on that day in lower manhattan and I know so many are experiencing that same fear today. No one should have to carry these traumas. No one should have to experience them. Sometimes I don’t understand our world…but then I see the outpouring of love and support for those in Boston…and I am reminded that though we carry the traumas, we also carry the power to heal.

Sleepless in Philadelphia

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It is the second day in a row that I’ve been awake at 4:30am. Wide awake, like “can hear the birds and the feral cats hissing at each other” kind of awake. This means I’ve gotten like eight hours of sleep over the past two nights…and only 5 the night before that…so 13 hours in 3 days.

I know some of you are looking at that 13hours with jealousy. I know, I’ve been there.

Still, I’m guessing that 13 hours isn’t going to bode well at some point…probably at work around noon today.

At some point, the proverbial poo is going to hit the proverbial fan.

Sleep falls into the wellness category, though many of us in the wellness field sometimes like to pretend it doesn’t…running around from place to place, eschewing sleep for work and yoga classes.

And sleep is one aspect of wellness that, in my humble survey of people, many of us struggle with.

When is the last time you got a great night’s sleep?

There are lots of reasons why you may not be sleeping well. Some of the ones I struggle with: an uncomfortable bed (my boyfriend and I have to get a new mattress…we’ve been using his…and it sucks…), coffee too late in the day (because I feel I need the caffeine to survive my 12 hour work days…even though that’s a big fat lie), a partner who has a different sleep pattern (the boy is a musician and therefore is often out until 1am or so…I am a light sleeper with a dog who thinks he must bark at every sound…including the sound of my boyfriend coming home. It is not unusual for me to fall asleep at 11, get woken up at 1, be wide awake while the boyfriend falls asleep until 2:30, fall asleep only to wake up an hour later because of a host of other things (the boyfriend’s snores, having to pee, being too hot or too cold, etc.)…did I mention that the boyfriend sometimes is wide awake at 6am? Yeah, we have to work on our sleeping patterns…but, truth be told, my sleep was just as f’ed up before we moved in together…so…), anxiety (um, self explanatory…), etc.

I tend to hit these sleepless spells…when I can’t sleep fully for days on end. I usually then try to adjust: less coffee, more exercise, light dinners, no tv, etc. Eventually things find their way back to a sense of normal, but, if I am honest, that normal isn’t so great and still doesn’t usually yield an awesome night’s rest.

I know I am not the only one struggling…I posted about this on facebook, venting that my alarm is set to go off sooner rather than later. Three friends posted that they too were wide awake…and didn’t want to be. How much better would we be at work, with friends, with loved ones, etc. if we actually slept? What about our mental, emotional, and physical health?

Clearly, we all need to be looking at our sleeping habits and patterns and wellness has to include finding what can aid you in actually resting night after night…

I just wish I knew what my perfect combo was now.

On the flip side, I am going to see the sunrise.

Who Am I?

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I was asked to answer the question: Who am I?

On Friday night, surrounded by 20 other yogis who are embarking on this journey of fundraising and support, of travel and growth, I wondered how I would answer it.

We could answer it in any way we wanted. And I knew I didn’t want to answer it with titles. I am more than what I do.  I know that.

But who am I? Who are you really?

The answer isn’t so clear sometimes. And sometimes it is as clear as this wonderful spring day (dude, if you live in the Philly/DC/NYC area, get your butt outside for a walk).

I wanted my answer to also connect to why I was there. Why I was sitting in a circle about to embark on this fundraising, service project despite my difficulties last year?

I always get nervous when having to introduce myself this way. It is like all that acting and speaking in front of people I did goes out the window. I was thinking about my answer, but trying not to, since I wanted to give everyone else the time and respect their answers deserved.

When we finally arrived at me, I had my answer. I had my why.

I am a lover of words and wellness.

Words and wellness, my two loves. Probably clear in my career choices, in my blogging, etc, but also true…well…deep down.

But for the service project? How do they connect?

Words, reading, writing, books, education—> I am fundraising to build schools, foster education, & support learning. Wellness, mental, physical, emotional, growth, health, contentment –> I am fundraising & traveling to Nicaragua to see how I can support the wellness of myself & others both here in the US and abroad.

My answer is not mind-blowing, but it is truthful. It feels right. It is me.

{I’ve created a support my service project page on my main site. Feel free to peruse over the next few months. I’ll be selling items, including The Delightful Tote, in which a portion of every purchase will go toward the project. And, as always, you’ll just have the option to donate directly. I’ve currently raised $200. $4800 to go!}

A Spring Walk

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Sometimes you just need to talk a walk.

I had the opportunity to work closer to home yesterday and walked downtown. It was about a 45 minute walk, just long enough to feel a little like exercise, but not too much like exercise. Just enough time to enjoy the sun, enjoy the breeze, and enjoy a little nature even as I walked further and further into the hassle and bustle of the city.

On the walk, it was nice to notice the little bits of spring coming through. I know I am longing for warmer, longer days, and even though spring is here…I kinda wish she’d hurry up a bit and settle in.

Until then, I’ll talk my walks, a little bundled up, but outside nonetheless.

Happy Friday, all!

 

On Unlearning Failure & Going For It

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Last year, I set the goal of raising $5,000 for buildOn to support in the building of a school in Nepal.

I failed to reach that goal.

I have a lot of reasons, excuses, as to why I didn’t, but, at the end of the day, no matter the excuse…it all comes back to one thing: I didn’t even try. One of my favorite quotes of all time is, duh, from Star Wars. It is my main man Yoda saying, “Do. Or do not. There is no try.” Not only did I not try…I just didn’t do it. Like there was a moment when I could have put my big girl pants on and knocked it out of the park and…I just didn’t.

As I wrote in November, I am not someone who likes feeling like I didn’t try, that I didn’t do something, that I failed. I especially don’t like it when it feels as though I didn’t just fail myself, but I failed a group of people. I failed to be of service in a bigger way. And I felt really bad about it.

When I saw that the same group I was with last year was going to raise money to go to Nicaragua and build a school, I felt my heart lift and drop at the same time. I love Central America and while I was excited to go serve and see Nepal, I didn’t have as big of a connection to that part of the world as I do to Central America. While I have never been to Nicaragua, I’ve been to Guatemala and fell in love. It has been a dream of mine to travel back and through Central America, getting to know the different countries and cultures, the different landscapes and the different social issues that arise. When I saw that they were going to Nicaragua, I heard a voice in my head go, “This was the trip, the project, you should have been on…this is the one you should be on…” Then I heard another voice, “Yeah, but you can’t raise $5,000. You couldn’t do it then, how would you do it now?”

I went on about my day, shrugging off the thoughts and focusing on the tasks in front of me. Then a few weeks later, I was invited to apply to this service project. I was invited to convince them that I could do better and should be allowed to try, well, not try, to DO it. So, I sighed, put on my big girl pants, and let the voices in my head go on unheard. I let the lesson I had learned (I can’t raise $5,000) go unlearned (UM, YES I CAN!).

I applied.

And I was accepted.

And I am now raising $5,000 to build, hopefully, not one, but TWO schools in Nicaragua.

Now is the time to, well, just do it. So that’s what I’m going to do.

Thanks Yoda…and Nike…oh, and Aaliyah: