a favorite of mine. the boyfriend and i back in 2007.
i caught the boyfriend staring at his facebook profile one day.
“what’s going on?” i asked.
he looked back at me and shrugged. “are we that annoying couple?”
“are we that annoyingly cute couple on facebook?” he trailed off.
i thought about it. “i mean, maybe. probably…if you consider us cute…”
this conversation was about three weeks ago after our vacation. it seems that a lot of us go on vacations and then post a lot of pictures of our glorious vacation. this is one of the many issues that we associate with facebook nowadays. in photos, status updates, videos, and more we show each other how glorious life is. if you look at the pitcures, you’d think that all we did while we were on vacation was be cute with each other…and our phones. i posted two, i’d like to think, cute photos of us on vacation. we made them our profile pictures. our newsfeeds are filled with photos of us, status updates including us, etc.
i get his worry.
ever since our first conversation about this, which was probably months ago, i’ve been thinking about it. every time i post a picture or a status to facebook or instagram…i think about it. of course, there are reasons to think about it. facebook is the land of ex-lovers, family, that random person you hooked up with… our photos are being shared with friends, but also potential employers, old students, and more. while every photo i’ve posted would, i think, fall into the category of “appropriate” (whatever that means), we are often forced to think about the varying degrees of “appropriate”, the feelings of others, how much we want to share with strangers… and all those thoughts usually form one particular question in our minds: are we sharing too much?
in this particular case, the question gets more specific: are we that annoying couple? better yet, am i that annoying woman/girlfriend who posts all the pictures? is my online display of affection bad?
but, honestly, i’m not sure i care…
you see, i love my boyfriend. i love him dearly. i loved him for the two years, two months, and twenty days we dated the first time (no no no, i did not keep count when we dated, okay…jeez…i calculated it a few weeks ago…). i loved him when we broke up. i loved him when i hated him. i loved him when i said i couldn’t talk to him. i loved him for the year and a half we didn’t speak. i loved him when we became friends again. i loved him when he asked if we could try this love thing again.
i loved him when he asked if it was too early for him to say “i love you”.
i loved him as i answered something along the lines of “of course not because, duh, i love you. i’ve loved you for seven years.”
and that is sappy. it is so fucking sappy. it is. but it wasn’t always sappy.
there was a time when the amount of love i felt for him was, well, just sad. when i was the girl who couldn’t get over this guy she dated in college and was frustrated by it and angry about it. i would have done anything to not love him. even when the love began to shift and, well, hibernate, even when i fell in love with others, it was still there. this sad, nagging love that would never go away.
“he is just always going to be there, isn’t he?” i asked my mom one day, probably a little less than two years ago. at this point, the boyfriend (well, he was the ex boyfriend then) and i were friends. we were in other relationships with people we loved and respected.
“what do you mean?” she asked.
“the feelings won’t go away, will they? they’ll just change…”
at this point, my mother explained, as she had many times over the four and a half years we weren’t together, that she thought that we, ex-boy and i, would get back together. someday. that is also the point that i had to exercise restraint and not yell at my mother for saying something that OBVIOUSLY was never going to happen (okay, fine, i yelled…). needless to say, she has said “i told you so” a number of times this past (almost) year.
ANYWAY all this love i had wrapped up inside is now out and open…and it wants to be free. it wants to dance. it wants to shout from the rooftops. it wants to be shared. it can’t contain itself.
it is annoying.
it is cute (hopefully).
but most importantly, it is thriving.
believe me, i don’t want to rub my love in others’ faces. i just want to be able to love my boyfriend. happily, sappily, and, sometimes, publicly. in any fashion that is healthy and appropriate.
…because, well, there were a lot of years when i couldn’t and it feels nice to post a picture that shows just how much i care for him and how much fun and happiness we share.
we don’t know what the future holds. i’m happy to be able to share the love, a glimpse of our love. i’m happy to be that annoying couple.
so is my level of online display of affection too high? maybe.
but, to be fair, my online display of affection for my pup, george, is probably a lot higher so…